Part
26.
"Perhaps
imagination and illusion are more acceptable sometimes. Sometimes you meet a
person and then you feel regret that they don't turn out to be the way you
wanted or thought they would be. From a distance, everyone is good and
wonderful, but in reality...
And
the most terrible thing is when you touch what is most precious to you and ruin
it. Sometimes it is better to leave everything untouchable and leave it
as it is, and enjoy it from afar."
The
Padrone could not take his eyes off the writings; because no dates were marked
anywhere, it was unclear when Dada had started writing or whether she was still
continuing to do so.
"How I wanted you to tell me about your life. I
wonder what you were like in childhood? I tried many times to imagine it.
- 'I really don't have an interesting past, and I
can't even remember anything worth telling, and I don't know what to tell
you...'
Those were your words.
Did you have such a difficult childhood?
Perhaps someday you will tell me and let out
everything that is in your heart and bothering you. And when you are in the
mood to let it all out, that is exactly when I want to be by your side and for
you to let it out with me—your sorrow. I will listen attentively and sympathize
with you with all my heart. I know all of this needed time, time and gathering
strength, so I didn't rush you then, and I am waiting for you now, and I will
wait as long as it takes.
You know, whatever you tell me, I won't be offended,
and I will understand you correctly. I might even be heartbroken by your story,
but I will understand you.
A lump formed in my throat while I was writing this to
you. Something very pleasant, but I don't want it to continue, because then it
will end...
And I am afraid of it ending..."
"Did
you think it would be boring to tell me something about yourself?
Not
at all! I truly consider you a very good person, and you must believe that
whatever has happened to you, it has already occurred, and you cannot
run away from it! Therefore, you must continue living as who you are! Just look
at me, for example. I am not looking back. What was—has been! And it has passed
into the past!"
"I
wish I were by your side right now.
Let
us sit together and talk a lot, so very much.
You
would tell me something, even a fairy tale, and I would listen to you.
I wish this wish of mine would truly come
true, and I promise you that I will never, ever get bored of you, and I will
never be bothered by you.
But your absence might bother me... very
much... terribly..."
"I
want to ask you for something.
I want to ask you for something, not because I
have asked enough already, no, quite the opposite; I just think I might be
bothering you, and I want you not to misunderstand me. I know a lot about
you—well, I think I know, I think I understand—and it feels as if I know why
you left.
I
beg you, never ask me, although...
And so, I understand you, even though I love you in
every way and I am interested in you. I am always thinking about you, and these
thoughts give me pleasure. Thank God that we exist and that He brought us
together, even if only for a short time and even if only temporarily, for the
happy moments that He gifted me...
So what if you left?
At least you didn't just sneak away silently, right?..
I don't know what the matter is, and I don't even have
an idea, but you told me and explained as much as you could... That is why I
believe in and like your honesty, and that is why I love you and will always
love you, your distant friend, Dada.
D. A. G."
Not at the beginning, but in the relatively later
entries, Dada often seemed to sign her name; she would intertwine several
Asomtavruli letters together, sometimes using only initials, while in other
places, they were drawn more clearly inside a circle.
The sequence of letters repeated, seemingly creating a
single complete stamp.
D. A. G.
It was the same everywhere, only later, on different
pages, the letters drawn inside the circle gradually took on the shape of a
coat of arms.
And on the relatively following pages, it was drawn
clearly...
A very, very familiar coat of arms.
The Padrone pondered, unable to remember where he could
have seen it.
Or where or with whom had Dada seen it? Where did she get
it from?
The Padrone's thoughts became muddled. He could no longer
understand what was happening, what this drawing meant, or how he could even
ask Dada?
Then it would be revealed that he had read Dada's diary.
The sound of a car was heard in the yard. It was Zeki's
car.
The Padrone immediately returned the book to its place
and rushed to meet them.
LEX. Sunday, March 13, 2016.
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